It's been a year of ups and downs for me so far. I've had multiple career and personal breakdowns. I'd contemplate again and again, "What do I want to do with my life?", only to decide on something, and then a day later grow bored with the idea and start over. It's been an endless back and forth, full of twists and turns for me, and while I am no closer to my dreams or to any sort of conformation that this is what I want to do, I have become more comfortable with the process.
Because that is what it is: a process. I've always been one with a plan. If something fell through, instead of stopping, contemplating, or mourning, I'd just immediately dedicate myself to the next plan of action. I always had to be working, planning, organizing, or striving towards something. I was never still with myself. And while this sense of urgency can be a good thing at times, it has also led me to make hurried, rushed, or not-so-thought-out decisions. I wouldn't go so far as to say that my past professional and personal decisions have been poor, or ill-thought, instead I would describe them more as rushed, or urgent. And I think that is why this year has been so rough: I've run out of choices. There has been no next plan.
After about six months or so of having no idea what to do next and feeling panicked about that, I have finally, very slowly, started to form a plan. And it has been hard to take my time. I constantly feel the urgency of my age, the "oh my god, I'm twenty-four, everyone else at twenty-four is doing something" "that means I only have six years, six years! until I'm thirty". It sucks. There is this preconceived notion success tied with age that I have bought into and I want out of it. Like, can I just quit that notion now, please? It's not that I don't want to feel urgency, it's just I'm tired of making decisions based on time, or the idea that sitting still is bad. Instead, I want to believe in the idea that the journey, the process, is just as much a part of the success as the end goal is. I hope I'm right. I want to make a life of many moments instead of a life of a few, well planned, much waited for moments.
Anyway, enough future life stuff. Let's talk something more serious: food. If any of you have been into a Starbucks lately, you'll have noticed they have relaunched their food. La Boulange. Yeah, its nice, but my favorite item, the flour-less chocolate chip cookie, looks lame. I mean, have you seen how small it is? Pathetic. So, with my usual daily chocolate craving in mind, I decided to make my own. And it was well worth it. These are technically "gluten free", but that means nothing. They are not healthy. The would-be flour aspect is replaced with powdered sugar with egg white holding them together. But, they are good. And gooey. And chocolaty. And Starbucks ain't got nothing on these.
Flourless Chocolate Cookies
recipe taken from here
I omitted the cinnamon from this recipe as I felt it was too contrasting. Original recipe says it makes enough for a crowd; however, my experience was it only made 12.
2.5 cups powdered sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3 egg whites
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2.5 cups semisweet chocolate chips (I used dark chocolate chunks)
Preheat the oven to 350F. Prepare your baking sheets.
Mix powdered sugar, cocoa powder, cinnamon, and salt.
Stir in the egg whites with a stand or hand mixer until the batter is well mixed.
Stir in the vanilla extract and chocolate chips by hand. The batter will look weird. Don't worry about it. Using a small cookie scoop or spoon blob batter onto the baking trays, about an inch apart. They will spread a bit. Bake until the cookies are cracking on the surface, about 15 minutes.
No comments:
Post a Comment